• I may have over jalapenoed
    my with my nachos today. If you have ever over jalapenoed, you know what I am talking about.
  • It is a bad idea to use leather cleaner
    on your steering wheel. Unless you like having a super slippery steering wheel, which I don't.
  • I bought a solar powered vibrator
    today to try to get rid of the hoard of moles that have taken over my back yard. Frankly, the idea of a solar powered vibrator is more than slightly disturbing to me. It makes a high pitched, ultra annoying sound every 30 seconds that is supposed to drive away the moles. There is no way this is going to work and in the end I am just going to be stuck with the moles and a solar powered vibrator. This has to be my worst post ever.
  • Bubble wrap would be
    a lot cooler if the bubbles were filled with scented air so when you popped them it would smell good. I think it would make the world a better place, don't you?
  • The man at the gas station said this to me
    yesterday. "If the printer is jammed it stays that way until it gets fixed." I'm sure there is some deep meaning somewhere in there.
  • Wouldn't life be better
    if everyone had a helicopter instead of a car?
  • How do you think they came
    up with the word "umbrella?" Why would something so useful have such an odd name?
  • Sometimes I think the road
    would be a safer place if everyone drove a manual transmission. Do you know how hard it is to shift a car and talk on a cell phone or drink a coffee? Darn hard. I think aIl manual transmission drivers should get some kind of insurance break. Or at least a pat on the back.
  • I decided to trim the hedges with a
    weed wacker yesterday. It worked perfectly but all the neighbors saw me do it and probably think I'm a moron. But at least my hedges look good.
  • It irks me when you order a drink
    and it comes in a cup advertising another drink. Like when you order a large tea and the cup says to try some kind of coffee drink. They don't even make coffee drinks that big. Plus, if I wanted the coffee drink I would have ordered it.
  • Yard sale drivers
    have to be the worst drivers on the planet. I'm speaking only from experience, of course.
  • I wonder if you can
    be allergic to allergy medicine?
  • The significant other told me to
    "sheet" the bed today. I just laughed and asked her if the dog could help me. I don't think she got it.
  • I have always underestimated the usefulness of toes
    until I ran mine over today with a pallet jack. Now I get severe pain whenever I use them, which I am finding is quite a lot. Sorry toes.
  • I have never owned a shirt
    with my name on it. If I was going to wear a shirt with a name I would make sure the name wasn't mine. That way people couldn't come up and start talking to me like they know me. Only they probably would but they would be using the wrong name so then I could call them on it. Then they would feel like a moron. That or they would accuse me of wearing someone else's shirt. Then I would feel like a moron. So maybe the whole "named shirt" thing just isn't for me.
  • Why is it that every time you
    drop food it seldom lands on your napkin? Isn't that why we put napkins on our laps? I think I am going to boycott the whole napkin lap thing.
  • Every year I gather all the teeth
    I lost since I was 5 years old and hide them under my pillow for the Easter bunny. I never get any money though, instead I get a basket of candy. I am so confused.
  • My work shoes were soaked
    from pressure washing the house yesterday so I wore my lawn mowing shoes to work today. My lawn mowing shoes are really cruddy and are missing a big rubber piece on the heel so when I walk it looks like I am limping. Anyway, I thought I would get used to it but after a while my knee started hurting and I was getting strange pains in my back. So, to make a long story short, I went home and put on my good running shoes and now everything is better. I think I might run over my lawnmowing shoes with the lawnmower. Then end.
  • Why is it that every time
    I go to put something on here I draw a blank? Really, you are probably better off this way.
  • What do you suppose they call
    Mexican pizza in Mexico? I'm at a loss.
  • The dentist told my mom
    that toothpaste is bad for your teeth. Apparently it is too abrasive to use twice a day. Now I'm confused. I have been taught my whole life that I need to use toothpaste and now I am just supposed to stop? I tried using just water this morning and it was horrible; no foam and no minty aftertaste. I think next they will probably say that shampoo is bad for your hair and soap is bad for your skin. Grrrrr.
  • The weather man said it was
    supposed to rain "buckets" today. I really hope they are plastic buckets because I think metal buckets might dent my car and be really loud when they hit the ground.
  • I ironed pants for the first
    time in my life tonight. It turned out a lot better than I anticipated. I would say they look maybe the 4th or 5th pair of pants I have ironed. Definitely not the sixth pair though.
  • I never wear green on St. Patrick's Day.
    Instead I just tell people I have on green underwear to avoid being pinched. No one has ever asked to see my underwear, which is probably a good thing.
  • I missed part of my face shaving
    today and it looked like I had dirt on my lip. I was really self conscious about it and would have shaved it off but I don't keep a razor at work. No one seemed to notice it though. That or everyone noticed it and no one told me about it. Just like that one day I wore my shirt inside out to work....